On the path to “good mental health,” we can avoid the following traps:
- Trap No. 1: Associating “good” with “happy”
It’s inherently impossible (at any stage of our lives) since we don’t only experience stimuli of joy. The reality of infertility and the process of trying cannot be exclusively associated with feelings of joy or satisfaction. - Trap No. 2: Blaming ourselves for any unpleasant emotions
The idea that bad feelings are harmful to us is incorrect. - Trap No. 3: Connecting the outcome of the effort with the emotions we experienced during it
It doesn’t help to treat our mental health as a tool or instrument, but rather as the way we experience the effort itself, just as we do with everything else. - Trap No. 4: Criticizing our partner when they experience emotional difficulties
Even if we think our goal is to help, comments like “don’t feel that way/you’re hurting yourself with these feelings” lead to feelings of alienation and isolation, as the connection has been replaced by criticism. - Trap No. 5: Resisting help and clinging to dysfunctional habits
Human nature often tends to get stuck in the familiar and avoid the new, even if it’s more helpful. If we notice that the way we’re trying to improve our mental health isn’t working, we’re likely on a journey to find something better—let’s support that!
